In need of child psychology 101

The meanest person I've met in a long time is a four year old named Eva. I reallydidn't appreciate her.....and that says a lot, since my tolerance of other kids has been stretched considerably since becoming a mom myself.

I was attending one of those evening get togethers where someone is selling something and her friend is a hostess. The hostess was lovely and with generous hospitality for the meagre sales that would conclude the evening (three people buying essential oils). Her daughter got to me. Livi is still a baby and just now learning that she can't have everything she wants. I took her to this meeting as Stef was sick. It wasn't long before Livi wanted to explore this 4 level split house with stairs everywhere and no gates and Eva building a hot and cold demeanour towards Livi. One minute she wanted to play with her, as long as she didn't touch any of her things ( yes.....tell a 15 month old that the hundreds of new toys she sees cannot be touched) the next minute she was hiding in the closet telling us to leave, meanwhile, I am trying to be polite and listen to the presentation. Livi is never unreasonable about limits to where she can walk in someone's house or in a restaurant and understands the term "no touching" to mean that she cannot touch, or walk any further. Tonight she resisted, protested and screamed. Throw in this 4 year old with an attitude, and I was done. She actually told me to clean up the "mess" that Livi made of the fridge magnets. The last straw, and I swear I am scarred for life, is when the two them were playing in the work out room where Livi just  fell in love with a Dora foam chair. Sitting and standing and sitting and standing....so cute. Eva comes along, takes it away and puts it in the closet. There's Livi, shocked, crying, trying to open the closet back up. I even said something and asked if she can continue playing with it. She looked at me without a word and continued to close the closet. I lost it. I bought some oils very quickly and left. I think Eva knew she went too far, as she sheepishly scurried around my feet with a guilty/fearful look in her eyes. I didn't care. I said out loud to her that if Livi can't play with anything, we're going to leave. And so we did. The mom was clueless.

In raising Livi, I try to put myself in her 15 month old shoes when I make a decision about discipline and guidance. She's always been reasonable and met me halfway when she couldn't get her way. Tonight she pushed really hard in a direction I was not familiar with.....perhaps she sensed a force in her midst that she felt she needed to defy....a greedy, moody 4 year old who had the balls to take something away from a happy baby and watch her cry. At that moment, standing in those little 15 month old shoes, I wanted to kick that closet door down and clue Eva in. I will make sure Livi is a better hostess than Eva was. Sure kids are territorial about their "stuff".....but you can usually reason with the older ones....all they want is to be asked and reassured that their property will be respected. Livi has encountered and played with many kids in many houses....all of them more than happy to play with her and share all their treasures. This was a new one for both of us. Lesson learned.....leave sooner.