First day of the rest of my life

The 80's band Glass Tiger had a song called "The Thin Red Line". Remember? The first line of the song goes "the hands of time have spoken". Well, they sure have for us.......for the the thin PINK line anyways. It was just confirmed that I will be in Denver at the end of March, with my cycle beginning on March 6th. The reality of this being our second and only shot at having kids really daunted me today. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that course of my life will be determined by me nervously walking up to a white stick and counting the number of lines on it. One or two. If you really think about it.....that is a bizarre way of charting your direction in life. But that's what this will boil down to. During our cycle in Calgary, we knew that we were going to try twice so I never thought about this. Now the second time is here and the finality of it is weighing very heavy. In the meantime, I am focusing on doing this right. I need to lose some weight before I go, as fast on the heels of pumping myself with horomones is a three week trip to pasta heaven...Rome. So let's start behind the 8-ball ladies. Also, I will be on the birth control pill, 5 injected hormones, a steroid, and an antibiotic in March so I will be turning to yoga and accupucture to encourage sanity to stick around. One of my fellow CCRMers gave me a box of her left over syringes and needles...hey what are friends for right?....turns out I will be needing all of them and more....I checked out the needle length.....why did I do that?...and I spent some time this weekend literally labling the tops of all my drugs and clearing a drawer in my dresser for the needles, as this time I'll be injecting at home....morning and night.....yey!! The C train in Calgary and the port-a-potty at Cirque du Soleil were over the top places to have to take my meds.

As my thoughts drift back to the stick with the lines on it......I just don't like the feeling that I don't get to chose. The stick does. All I can do is get ready for either count. One or two. One....we travel and pursue our career goals....Two....a whirlwind of all that parenthood brings...I consider myself lucky either way. And that road forks on March 6th.

Chin up! big smile! keep going!

Today I found out that my Thyroid Stimulating Hormone has not come back down from the Chlomid challenge, and as a matter of fact, went up even further. A TSH over 3.0 will compromise chances of pregnancy and carrying the baby. I chimed in at 5.6. So I have to go on meds. I'm not thrilled about this, but am greatful that it was discovered. That's the cool thing about this....CCRM wanted a TSH and T4 tested. My TSH got tested, coming in at 1.9 a month ago. But the T4 was missed by the lab. So I had to get the T4 tested the same day I was getting my post Chlomid tests, and the TSH came with it - it's a package. Low and behold, TSH was up. 4.1. And three weeks later, 5.6. For once, I'm clueless. I know -  shocker.

What remains is that my chances of having a baby just improved because some lab tech was a mixed up.

What a beautiful Calendar

First, I wanted to thank two of my blog angels who offered their left over medications for my cycle and saved us thousands of dollars. And a friend who will collect them in the States for me. You know who you are, and you know how much this means...thank you ever so much.

I have been waiting for this day since I left my one day work up at CCRM in December. I went home with a binder and homework that most of you have had to witness all through January. Today my nurse was faxed my last test - a physical exam - and rewarded me with my calendar for March. This calendar was music to my eyes, since I've been itching to know what my last march towards pregnancy will look like. Oh look - a pregnancy march in March. Cute eh? I will be flying there around March 30th. (hopefully no more conflicts with work...might have one right at that time...won't know until next week for sure...fingers crossed) My protocol looks completely different than in Calgary - no nasal spray that puts me into menapause - MAN! how backwards that was compared to Colorado - I will be on more meds but for a shorter period of time. As my doctor said this morning when she looked at all the prescriptions: "Boy...you're going to be an emotional roller coaster". I didn't do too bad last time but she said this time will be different because there is more of them at once and at higher doses. That is why I am turning to yoga again. As I say on the left - I have joined a yoga class - Ashtanga. It's alarmingly hard - I almost cried in the last class and it took me a week to recover from the first class. Soooo...will be trying a different form of it....need the meditative/mental health/stretching/ying yang componet of yoga more so than  the 'when will this be over' kind. I am also looking forward to and excited to be going to Rome with my husband in May. I will be meeting his family for the first time, including his 90 year old Nona. We wanted to go before we had kids so the timing worked out. I know that the " where is the babino " thing will come up, or "perque non vogliamo il bambino" (I'm doing different homework now)  "Proviamo" will be my response. It means "we're trying". That we are.

Needles and cents

A girl always loves to shop. Don't we? How about shopping for $4500 worth of meds you'll have to inject in yourself. How about shopping for meds to inject in yourself and then driving across the border to the States to get them. Thank goodness my friend Brenda lives 5 minutes across the border and is helping me and that my job takes me to that region of the province anyways. We save $400 in the end so it all worked out well. For you CCRMers, Gonal-f is a steal at Freedom, while Menopur and Pregnyl is a steal at Alexanders. I will be getting the pill, antibiotics and copious syringes and needles at my local pharmacy. I talked to my nurse today and we're on track for the end of March (remember, I only leave my eggs and go home in March. Possible pregnancy will not be until summer when I return for the good embryos) I have two tests left: my physical exam and TSH (thyroid). Once those two things are done, I pick up my egg-growing meds in the States and I'm locked and loaded!....never a dull moment in the journey to find little Diiorios.