In need of child psychology 101

The meanest person I've met in a long time is a four year old named Eva. I reallydidn't appreciate her.....and that says a lot, since my tolerance of other kids has been stretched considerably since becoming a mom myself.

I was attending one of those evening get togethers where someone is selling something and her friend is a hostess. The hostess was lovely and with generous hospitality for the meagre sales that would conclude the evening (three people buying essential oils). Her daughter got to me. Livi is still a baby and just now learning that she can't have everything she wants. I took her to this meeting as Stef was sick. It wasn't long before Livi wanted to explore this 4 level split house with stairs everywhere and no gates and Eva building a hot and cold demeanour towards Livi. One minute she wanted to play with her, as long as she didn't touch any of her things ( yes.....tell a 15 month old that the hundreds of new toys she sees cannot be touched) the next minute she was hiding in the closet telling us to leave, meanwhile, I am trying to be polite and listen to the presentation. Livi is never unreasonable about limits to where she can walk in someone's house or in a restaurant and understands the term "no touching" to mean that she cannot touch, or walk any further. Tonight she resisted, protested and screamed. Throw in this 4 year old with an attitude, and I was done. She actually told me to clean up the "mess" that Livi made of the fridge magnets. The last straw, and I swear I am scarred for life, is when the two them were playing in the work out room where Livi just  fell in love with a Dora foam chair. Sitting and standing and sitting and standing....so cute. Eva comes along, takes it away and puts it in the closet. There's Livi, shocked, crying, trying to open the closet back up. I even said something and asked if she can continue playing with it. She looked at me without a word and continued to close the closet. I lost it. I bought some oils very quickly and left. I think Eva knew she went too far, as she sheepishly scurried around my feet with a guilty/fearful look in her eyes. I didn't care. I said out loud to her that if Livi can't play with anything, we're going to leave. And so we did. The mom was clueless.

In raising Livi, I try to put myself in her 15 month old shoes when I make a decision about discipline and guidance. She's always been reasonable and met me halfway when she couldn't get her way. Tonight she pushed really hard in a direction I was not familiar with.....perhaps she sensed a force in her midst that she felt she needed to defy....a greedy, moody 4 year old who had the balls to take something away from a happy baby and watch her cry. At that moment, standing in those little 15 month old shoes, I wanted to kick that closet door down and clue Eva in. I will make sure Livi is a better hostess than Eva was. Sure kids are territorial about their "stuff".....but you can usually reason with the older ones....all they want is to be asked and reassured that their property will be respected. Livi has encountered and played with many kids in many houses....all of them more than happy to play with her and share all their treasures. This was a new one for both of us. Lesson learned.....leave sooner.

(100th post) The Point is....

Exactly that. The Point. We are put in this world to fend for ourselves as far as communication goes. We learn a language based on no language at all, and from the beginning, it's trial and error in hopes of being understood. There is no mistaking the point. There is no mistaking what it's pointing to and what it means. Accompanied with with a smile, it means "look....that's interesting"....accompanied with a moan it means "I want that"...accompanied with looking under the couch, it means "my toy fell under there....can you get it?". Once the point is granted its wish, there is much joy....for both the pointer and the pointee. This is the beginning of communication....a conversation...of an attempt at being heard....without saying anything at all....and I swear it takes all I have not to chew on that sweet little finger when it sets its sights on her ball under her crib, on the broccoli on the counter, on the grapes in the shopping cart, on the balloons at the dollar store, at the geese in the park, other people's ice cream cones, her blankie on the chair......and at me, mommy, when she's crying in dad's arms after tripping on the driveway.

Official 15 month photos:

and from Stef's parents' annual July 1st BBQ:

here's the one from last year

At 15 months, here is what we can't get enough of:
You smiling sheepishly, almost embarrassed when we kiss in front of you. Then you want a kiss....and always get one. We race for it.
The way you extend your arm and show what ever you're holding in your hand.....a toy or a snack....to people passing by at the park. Today you held out a toy to a Canada Goose swimming in the water. It seemed intrigued.
The way you chatter in your own little language non stop. It's even consistent. Sounds nothing like ours, but you say the same thing when you greet people or when you find something interesting. It is the sweetest sound to our ears.
You are starting to do funny, silly things and know it, by smiling and looking for a reaction. You love to play games.....that reminds me....we haven't played hide and seek for a while.
Your love of ice cream. I got you mini drum sticks....just your size. Yesterday you tripped on the driveway holding one. You cried more than usual.....obviously more upset and concerned about the status of your drum stick than your knees or elbows. The intact ice cream sure wiped the tears off your little face.
No dolls or stuffed toys for you! Nope. Your favorite toys are balls...any balls...and you have all shapes and sizes now....and any complicated gadget you can get your hands on. I don't know how...but you know what objects can be opened, and you always try, with a frustrated sound if you can't.....and then you hand it to me for help, all excited to get at what's inside. Even if it's my lip balm.....I cave.
You play little flutes or a toy harmonica by putting your mouth on it and making the sound yourself. It kills us every time.
The way you try to open the freezer (bottom of fridge) 10 times a day.....hoping to get at my home made organic orange popsicles or an ice cube to lick until the real stuff comes along. You stand there, grunting and whining, pulling on the handle, until one of us comes along and either gives in or carries you away, kicking.
Your sweet and happy disposition, smiling or laughing most of the time.
You are always up for anything and love to socialize. You go up to people and touch them to get their attention. You like other kids and always greet them with your special vocabulary. Some interest you more than others.....I guess it's just like adults....we click with some people and some not.
You love the water....it's been hot lately and you've given up on our daily visits to the hot tub....but not a day passed without you trying to lift the lid of it in the back yard every morning and protesting when I carried you away. We're going to the pool today......and this time.... you won't need to point at all the other kids' beach balls and water guns. Mommy got you your very own.

As for my report card.....I get a B minus in the sleep department. I think I take good care of Livi....I will admit...staying home and being responsible for her every need, developmental and educational opportunities, fun and entertainment.....with my own personal goals and keeping up with proper nutrition for all of us ( we all have different diets) along with shopping and house work can be alot on my plate some days....so when three teeth came in at the same time, I threw in the towel and nursed her into all her naps (three a day at that time). Prior to this, Livi was able to put herself to sleep without any intervention from me. Last year at this time, when she needed motion to sleep (rocking, stroller, car, etc) I was panicked about how I will get her to sleep on her own. Turns out that as soon as she could roll over, she put herself to sleep by sucking on her sleeve. I took it a step further and gave her a breathable blankie when she laid down, and she just devoured it all the way to lala land. I was so happy to have found a system that let her sleep on her own without making her cry. That lasted for a long time.....and now that system needs repair and I am panic stricken again. I took for granted that she will always use that blankie to put herself to sleep at any time....I was wrong. When those last three teeth came in a the same time (including two molars) she was so distraught, I nursed her into her naps....then we both got used to the comfort, ease and convenience. Now too used to it. I've tried to put her down without nursing her and she looks at me like I'm nuts, throws her blankie aside and begins to cry. Coupled with the fact that she is more mobile and is starting to get on all fours and sit up from laying down, she does gymnastics and doesn't stop crying.  There is also a need to get her out of our bed and back into her crib for naps due to safety reasons..... a double whammy. So I'm back to square one. And kicking myself to the point where I'm the one losing sleep now. The starting point I have is that she still uses that blankie to put herself BACK to sleep when she's woken up during a nap or early morning. I would not have any issue with any of this if I was not going to be going back to work....but that might be around the corner and I can't have her set up for disaster like this. Perhaps a nanny would do a better job than I think of putter her to sleep, as Livi only associates nursing with me, but I can't count on that. I did learn a big lesson last year when I went through this the first time and I need to remember it: "I have to give Livi more credit in helping me figure this out and try lots of ways with much patience" and like I tell her when she gets uspet needlessly, "There's no need to cry".

This is my 100th post, writing about wanting, having and celebrating Little Livi. I thank all of you....if you've read only a few or all 100 of them. Every post is special to me and will be for Livi when she's older. Thank you for following our journey. It's been an honor having you along.