Follie Folly

My IVF gals know that a 'follie' is our term for a follicle. In IVF it all starts with glowing follicles, which in turn have an egg in then. On the other hand, according to Wikipedia:

"A folly is a building constructed primarily for decoration, but either suggesting by its appearance some other purpose, or merely so extravagant that it transcends the normal range of garden ornaments or other class of building to which it belongs"

So, it turns out I have 8 dominant ornaments and two small ones. And they do transcend the normal range. They are extravagant and growing fast. Faster than expected, so I'm hoping they will take my meds down and let some small follies catch up, rather than change my egg retrieval day to sooner. That would suck. So just waiting for the call from the nurse.

As for being Denver, it rocks. Literally...can see the mountains from my room. Love it. And I am very impressed with how well I did to get here. Big pat on my back. As I reflect, from the last negative result in November to now, it's exactly 5 months. The amount of paper work, phone calls, panic, running around and 90 !!! e-mails with my nurse, I'm here. I'm even more impressed how long it took me to sneak in a shiny new pair of Nine West pumps from DSW last night. Hadn't even unpacked yet! There are so many cool places to eat and shop here, I don't know what to do with myself. At this moment though, a nap is in store.

Thank you all for advice about my follies. It helped. And I get to have dinner with IVFlygirl tonight. How great is that!!

Need HELP! From my IVF followers.....

Hi ladies...I've been stiming for three days now with Gonal and Menopure on the microdose Lupron protocol. I had my fist follicle count and lining at home today before I leave for Denver tomorrow. They can only see 6-7 dominant follicles in total. My ER is a week from tomorrow....can I hope for more follicles to catch up? Or is this it? Freaking a bit.

For once and for all

A little update, and with some extra detail for my non-IVF followers, as I've had some questions lately.

I leave for Denver on Wednesday, March 30th.
This is a trip only to take my eggs out, which happens on April 6th. Once they do that, I go home. They fertilize and grow them for 5 days. They cannot live past day 5 outside the body so they freeze them. Before they freeze them though, they take out one cell from each of them to run a chromosomal test on, to see if there are any genetic abnormalities. Those that are normal will be ready for a transfer back to my womb once I come back yet again. That will not be till sometime in the summer. I am excited to leave and get settled over there. Stef is joining me the night before the egg retrieval.

Here is the small print, and also important to understand. There are no guarantees here. At every stage of all this, there could be happiness or despair. I hope we end up with at least one or two normal 'blastocyst' (that's what they are called on day 5). That may not happen. I don't want to think or even write about the worst, but it is a possibility and it happens. I have to have faith in what is meant to be. My fate/destiny beliefs will have to engage hard here, because by middle of April, we will know how our little guys did over there. For now, I'll quietly take my 4 injections a day, pop my handful of herbs and pills, and wisper to the eggs that are about to dance for their life, that this isn't a dress rehearsal. But I'll be happy to take you to one in about 5 years.

The girl that brought me to tears

Walking accross the Starbucks parking lot today I passed a woman who was stressfully gathering her two kids our of her vehicle, while fighting the violent, wet wind we had today. It was so ugly out and she looked so frazzled, that I wondered why she decided to go to Starbucks with her two kids at all. The boy was about 4-5 and the little girl was about 2, just started walking. I noticed her in line infront of me ordering steamers for her kids but was busy aligning my day in my head, as my trip out of town was cancelled due to the weather. As I was trying to convert a steamer of my own into a healthy hot chocolate by spinkling cocoa into it, time froze when I looked at those kids again. The boy, now having collected his steamer from the bar, or his mom, was quietly and obediently sipping it, standing in everyone's way. But it was the little girl that yanked at my heart and soul. Her cute blonde upright ponytail quivered like an antenna as she looked up and pondered what her mom was doing, so inoccently observing her every move. She looked lost, stading there by herself as her mom scrambled for this or that between counters, but there was a confident and trusting resolve in the awe in her little face. I noticed a little drop of milk foam on her coat.

Emotion swept over me but I had to finish convincing my hot chocolate it was a steamer with chocolate sprinkles and hit the road again. I had two hours of work to do in 45 minutes and appreciated the need to move on. So it's no wonder that I found myself in unstopable tears in my gym later on that night. As I was lifting a 25 lb weight over my head, that little girl flashed into my mind. A few minutes later, Stef came into the gym because apparently, he was the only one who could hear my sobs over "Finger Eleven" on my iPod. To this moment, I'm not completely convinced I know why there was such a strong emotional back lash to that little girl. Maybe because I haven't grieved not being able to have kids normally, or maybe ever, for some time now. Maybe because her inoccence and awe together were so beautiful. Or maybe because I desperately wanted to grab a brown Starbucks napking and slowly, kindly, wipe that milk foam off her coat. But I didn't. That's what mothers do.

Little Update

Well, it's official. I am on a plane to Denver on March 30! and coming back on April 9th. I got my calendar from my nurse, have collected all my meds (thanks Brenda, Lisa and Jamie)and started on the birth control pill to supress my reproductive system.....the first of many medications and hormones over the next four weeks. What I'm liking about the Pill is that it is supressing my appetite. So maybe I'll accomplish my weight loss goal after all. So I'm looking forward to getting there and having some time off to focus on just this. AND one of my very best friends is coming to visit all the way from California for a day...so I'm pummed. The flights are booked...mine on points, yey, and 3/10 nights on points as well. That took some juggling to coordinate. Stef is joining me on the 5th, just before the egg retrieval.

Here is the small print. Let's hope the birth control pill is strong enough to supress my ovaries, because if I grow an egg for ovulation, I ain't goin nowhere. The whole thing gets canceled and postponed. This is rare, but a possibility. I find that out on the 23rd. Also, once in Denver, there is a small chance that the eggs that I grew to get retrieved ovulate on their own before they have a chance to get them out. We don't want that at all. Again, it's rare but happens.

Let's keep our fingers crossed! I did get cancelation insurance for the flights....da.

How Ironic

As I put my banana bread in the oven tonight....I realized something. I can't wait for my period. I am counting the seconds....tic toc....any minute now....and the checkered flag is flown for my cycle with Colorado to start. How ironic....most women making babies are devastated to get their period. I'll be rejoicing. It gets better.....since I will be injecting at home this time, I needed to clear a drawer in my dresser to make room for all the needles and drugs. The only drawer I could spare to vacate is my lingerie drawer. So my baby making LaSenza numbers are being replaced by baby making hormones shot out of the end of a pointy object. My special collection now has the temporary residence of the special basement. As for weight, most women have a little fun while they are trying to get pregnant and enjoy the foods they usually stay away from....all this to get a little fluffy and send warm fuzzies to the uterus, that all is A-OK on the body fat front. I cannot do that....on the contrary, I have to lose weight, so my pants fit after the injections. I can wear Lulu Lemons to my egg retrieval, but not to work 4 days later. So my 6:30 am appointment with 25 lb weights started a week ago and my 8:30 pm appointments with a bowl of popcorn to yet another kernel spitting episode of Two and a Half men have ceased completely. Apparently banana bread dough at 8:45pm is perfectly acceptable though.

IVF is many things. Tonight, it's ironic. As I put away some of my favorite pieces in that drawer, it felt sad, weird and funny at the same time. I guess that would be a good definition for irony - sad, weird and funny. I am anticipating my period with glee, packed away my lingerie, and hit the treadmill and hard weights.....just like any other woman trying to get pregnant right?