A little GIRL!!
So excited! I thought it was a girl all along until lots of people insisted it was a boy, and got me thinking I may be wrong. But it's a good thing I was excited for both. So we're having our little princess! I went straight to a nice baby store and got her an heirloom blanket. As my first gift to her.
Thank you for all your support!!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Gratitude and a Special Announcement
|As I sit in the morning twilight, watching the snow on our evergreens turn a soft pink, greatfullness sweeps into my heart.
Reading a few blogs lately of my IVF girls, or their blog followers, there are some very sad stories out there. So many struggles...not just with infertility and IVF, but procedures and hurdles they have to overcome to get to do a cycle of IVF...just to see it fail again and again, having to deal with the implications of donor egg or sperm...not knowing where to draw the line and what it all means. The pain, hardship and stress that infertility and continued IVF failures cause to people, their marriages and their families can be paralizing. My heart goes out to all of them, and it makes me even more greatful to be carrying our child....and I'm still waiting for it to hit me acutually. It is still surreal. Every pregnancy is a miracle of life. My IVF pregnancy feels like a miracle gift. Of life, science and God.
I'm also greatful for my parents who took in my parrots. My Jardine and lovebird are now living with my parents, for as long as they can or want to take are of them. As simple as this may sound, it is not and was not, for anyone. They are both beautiful little creatures with amazing personalities who were very attached to us. I used to nap with them with one sitting on my chest above my heart and the other on my knee. They used to eat breakfast with us, especially pancakes, and then shower with me. I never sang in the shower....but my lovebird did. Everyday that I came home from work, my love bird would sit on the handle of the French door of their room and look on in anticipation as I put my computer down and went to kiss his beak through the glass. He couldn't wait to see me and come out and play, followed by my Jardine. They could not stay with us because they are fully flighted and not caged, which makes clean up alone a two hour afair daily, and most of the day on Sunday when I did a full once over on their room. Also, the big parrot has a major attitude, especially during breeding season and can be jealous and dangerous....so he can never be around a child, or me taking care of a child. At the age of 23, when I moved back in with my parents after living on my own for a while, my dad was thrilled, but with one stipulation " but when you move out again, no more leaving your pets behind ". Well, my parents have now taken care of 4 of my birds, 3 of which are still well and alive in their home today. I'm so greatful they are willing to let those little feathered treasures mess up their house, take up lots of their time, and bring song and laughter to their life.
I'm greatful for Stef. Everyone who knows us personally, knows that he is a genius designer and renovator. His back breaking work ethic combined with a nack for perfection and an eye for contemporary style has turned our home and back yard into being worthy of magazine covers. While I was at my parents' in Edmonton settling in my birds and being spoiled by my mom and friend Monika and her family, Stef set sail on the house and nursery renos, all bunkered in for a week. What was the birds' room is now the nursery, all cleaned out with fresh paint, modern wall paper on the feature wall and a funky closet we are finishing up today. The main floor of our home has been completely repainted and restyled, with a major reno project in the livingroom, which faces the nursery. We will spend more time in this room now (as opposed to it having been an abandoned art gallery for the past three years) so we are bringing in a fire place and TV as well as a child safe leather coffee table and new area rug which we brought home yesterday and are enjoying right now. All this to say that I am greatful to have a husband with all his great qualities, including those that REALLY make other wives jealous. Along with his Italian good looks, the taste of Sir Frank Lloyd Wright, the artistic flare of DaVinchi and the heart of a true Roman Soldier.
I think I might be feeling the baby's movement. Not the butterfly flutters that people talk about, but more like a muscle twich feels. Or a pinch from inside. We'll have a look at the baby during my 20 week ultrasound on Wednesday and hopefully FIND OUT THE GENDER of the baby!!. That is my special announcement. So look for an update this coming Wednesday about a boy or girl...hopefully the little one is a little exhibitionist like his or her mama and is facing the right way!
Reading a few blogs lately of my IVF girls, or their blog followers, there are some very sad stories out there. So many struggles...not just with infertility and IVF, but procedures and hurdles they have to overcome to get to do a cycle of IVF...just to see it fail again and again, having to deal with the implications of donor egg or sperm...not knowing where to draw the line and what it all means. The pain, hardship and stress that infertility and continued IVF failures cause to people, their marriages and their families can be paralizing. My heart goes out to all of them, and it makes me even more greatful to be carrying our child....and I'm still waiting for it to hit me acutually. It is still surreal. Every pregnancy is a miracle of life. My IVF pregnancy feels like a miracle gift. Of life, science and God.
I'm greatful for Stef. Everyone who knows us personally, knows that he is a genius designer and renovator. His back breaking work ethic combined with a nack for perfection and an eye for contemporary style has turned our home and back yard into being worthy of magazine covers. While I was at my parents' in Edmonton settling in my birds and being spoiled by my mom and friend Monika and her family, Stef set sail on the house and nursery renos, all bunkered in for a week. What was the birds' room is now the nursery, all cleaned out with fresh paint, modern wall paper on the feature wall and a funky closet we are finishing up today. The main floor of our home has been completely repainted and restyled, with a major reno project in the livingroom, which faces the nursery. We will spend more time in this room now (as opposed to it having been an abandoned art gallery for the past three years) so we are bringing in a fire place and TV as well as a child safe leather coffee table and new area rug which we brought home yesterday and are enjoying right now. All this to say that I am greatful to have a husband with all his great qualities, including those that REALLY make other wives jealous. Along with his Italian good looks, the taste of Sir Frank Lloyd Wright, the artistic flare of DaVinchi and the heart of a true Roman Soldier.
I think I might be feeling the baby's movement. Not the butterfly flutters that people talk about, but more like a muscle twich feels. Or a pinch from inside. We'll have a look at the baby during my 20 week ultrasound on Wednesday and hopefully FIND OUT THE GENDER of the baby!!. That is my special announcement. So look for an update this coming Wednesday about a boy or girl...hopefully the little one is a little exhibitionist like his or her mama and is facing the right way!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Something in the Wind
As a pharmaceutical rep, I frequent many doctors' offices and waiting rooms and see many kids and families. Today, one caught my attention to the core. The mom was sitting on a chair and her little girl, less than 2, was underneath it, facing her brother, younger than her, who was wound around his mother's legs. She was creaming in laughter and delight. They were playing some game that only they know and understand and apparently, she was winning. Her laughter was so sweet and wonderful, that I couldn't help but wonder what her life would be like if her brother wasn't there to bring her that kind of joy. What she would be doing in that waiting room instead....tugging at her mom in bordom? sitting and reading a children's book? I don't know....but she wouldn't be laughing like that. A month ago, that scene would have had me running back to my car in tears, still not understanding why we were not given twins in this process....like I was sure we would if I got pregnant. To be honest, I never saw myself as a mother of two before IVF. I only dreamed of one child my whole life. But IVF almost promises the option of two babies at once and the idea really grew on me as our journey progressed. So much so, that I thought for sure a boy and a girl were in our future. Up until recently, I still didn't understand how only a singleton happened. Over joyed and greatful of course, yet a little disappointed and perplexed how my strong premonition of having siblings had been wrong.
Then something changed. I became aware of a strong message that I had been too stubborn to hear before. That I'm living my destiny. And a peace has fallen over my heart about this child being a singleton. Like it's meant to be for reasons I don't know yet and need to trust. I can't explain where it came from. All I know is that seeing a couple with two kids, thinking about twins or the notion that our child may grow up without a brother or sister no longer bothers me. It's as if he or she whispered it to me from my whom...."It's OK. It's what I want".
P.S. Lest we forget, I had TWO normal blasts at day 5. One arrested. The other one, I'm carrying.
Enjoy our 4 moths pictures. Stef took them - he is a magician.
Then something changed. I became aware of a strong message that I had been too stubborn to hear before. That I'm living my destiny. And a peace has fallen over my heart about this child being a singleton. Like it's meant to be for reasons I don't know yet and need to trust. I can't explain where it came from. All I know is that seeing a couple with two kids, thinking about twins or the notion that our child may grow up without a brother or sister no longer bothers me. It's as if he or she whispered it to me from my whom...."It's OK. It's what I want".
P.S. Lest we forget, I had TWO normal blasts at day 5. One arrested. The other one, I'm carrying.
Enjoy our 4 moths pictures. Stef took them - he is a magician.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
A Different Kind of Graduation
I'm officially like everyone else now. Well, those who know me would argue that that's never possible, but I mean that I am no longer under the care of a fertility clinic to have this baby. I am like any other pregnant woman. No more hormones, needles, patches and weekly blood tests. Which were getting really annoying by the way. Every week, sometimes twice, I would go to the hospital to have blood drawn to check estrogen and progesterone levels so Colorado can adjust my doses accordingly. I have had to do this for the past 4 months. They had to be same day results, faxed to Colorado. How many times do you think my nurse in Colorado would email me the next day and say 'I never received your results yesterday'. More than half the time. Chasing those results down got really old, especially when I heard "we can't talk to patients" from the labs. Well, my doc has no time for incompetent people in the labs and I felt like informing them of that. But that's over now. My nurse called this week to tell me that my care is officially being transferred to my OBGYN at home. When she happily told me I've 'graduated' from CCRM, I burst into tears. It was as if a war had ended with me the victor....I cried over the tremendous amount of work this was. The least of which were the meds and the needles....that was the easy part. The hard part was working with this health care system to accommodate what Colorado was doing and needed.
A friend had asked me why I was on hormones during the pregnancy in the first place. If you are interested in the scientific answer, read on. If not, skip this paragraph. In a regular cycle of a non IFV woman, once the egg is released, the follicle that released the egg is called the 'corpus luteum' and will play an essential role should there be a pregnancy. If the egg gets fertilized and embeds in the uteral linnig, the blastocysts (5 day old embryo) sends off the pregnancy hormone (human chorionic gonadotropin or HcG hormone) to the corpus luteum. The corpus luteum then, in response to the HcG, begins to produce enough estrogen and progesterone so that the body does not begin a period, hense retaining the uteral lining and the baby. This is why you get a period if there is no pregnancy...because your hormones plummet. Women undergoing IVF do not have a corpus luteum to govern hormones, because they did not ovulate. They did not ovulate because our entire hormonal system is shut down (with the birth control pill and other suppression hormones) prior to transfer of the embryo, in efforts to manually adjust the cycle and hormones in order to accommodate the timing and precision of the transfer. So if a pregnancy takes place, we have to take external estrogen and progesterone to maintain the pregnancy. But not for the entire duration of the pregnancy, and the reason for that is, that the placenta takes over the hormone production from the corpus luteum at about week 13. So in our case, we slowly get weaned off towards week 13-15 and as long as they see that our levels are what they should be without the meds....we're free. As I am now!
I am beginning to collect books faster than I can read them...almost an obsession. I actually have 13 books now, between my iPad and actual paper, on pregnancy, nutrition, the first year, baby gadgets and necessities, labor, nursing, and a friend even bought one for Stef. I have a book in every room of the house just in case the mood strikes me to read a few pages. I hope to have them all read....right now it's a little slow in the reading department and busy in the buying department.
AND we have settled on a stroller. STOKKE it is. Now just to know the gender so we can pick a color. 29 more sleeps til we find out. The suspense is killing me. The 'feelings' and premonitions on gender by others is almost 50/50. My friend just pointed out that it's probably a girl because female embryos are stronger....and this is the only one that survived between day 3 and day 5. My feelings? Not tellin. I'm giving this blog to my kid one day in the form of a book. I am going on record to say that as much as I have a strong feeling about the gender, I would be just as happy to be wrong.
As far as the pregnancy goes....My belly still looks like I just ate way too much, and it's getting on my nerves. It's coming in very very slowly. I did get my heart rate Doppler from e-bay finally and we can hear the baby's heart beat any time we want. That is truly cool, although I am disappointed with the gadget itself. They have thousands of them and I carelessly bought one without the LED that displays the heart beat. I thought that was a given. Nope. I tried to return it. Right. Manufacturer is somewhere in China, not returning my emails. Good luck. On another note....I am falling apart a bit in the lower half of my body. My hip has bursitis from the expansion of the pelvis and sitting down means trying to get comfortable with a hot poker in my side. As for my feet, standing, even in comfortable shoes, is painful. My feet have always had a high arch and are large for my body. Size 9 at 5'4.5". They were size 8 not that long ago. So the ligaments have definitely changed. Not complaining at all. This journey takes the whining out of pregnancy. Just noting some of the interesting changes I did not anticipate. And...the first trimester has made a come back. I am sleeping more than I ever did and have not hit that second trimester 'jolt' yet.
My birds are still flying around what will be the nursery, and the little treasures are moving in two weeks. My dad is flying here and driving me in my vehicle with all cages, toys and of course the birds back to Edmonton. Where I will help my mom settlem them in, and have a chance to give them a proper good bye. I'm spending a week there and looking forward to going shopping for maternity clothes, baby furniture and our Stokke stroller. No Stokke here in little town on the prairie. I'm happy for his help and company. It's a 7-8 hour drive and with my hip the way it is, I'm glad to have someone else drive, at least there. When I come back, this pregnancy will take off for me. As much as I will miss the birds, I am beginning to accept it and looking forward to having the extra time every day dedicated to the things I can't do right now, as it would compromise time from their care and clean up. Boy....I sound like I run a farm. I can't wait to look into hypnobirthing, prenatal swimming and yoga, and help Stef start on the nursery and the whole house really. We will be doing a full overhaul on the house...painting, declutering all the storage and changing the decor in the upstairs living room and my office as well. We have just under 6 months to do it....I am 15 weeks today.
A friend had asked me why I was on hormones during the pregnancy in the first place. If you are interested in the scientific answer, read on. If not, skip this paragraph. In a regular cycle of a non IFV woman, once the egg is released, the follicle that released the egg is called the 'corpus luteum' and will play an essential role should there be a pregnancy. If the egg gets fertilized and embeds in the uteral linnig, the blastocysts (5 day old embryo) sends off the pregnancy hormone (human chorionic gonadotropin or HcG hormone) to the corpus luteum. The corpus luteum then, in response to the HcG, begins to produce enough estrogen and progesterone so that the body does not begin a period, hense retaining the uteral lining and the baby. This is why you get a period if there is no pregnancy...because your hormones plummet. Women undergoing IVF do not have a corpus luteum to govern hormones, because they did not ovulate. They did not ovulate because our entire hormonal system is shut down (with the birth control pill and other suppression hormones) prior to transfer of the embryo, in efforts to manually adjust the cycle and hormones in order to accommodate the timing and precision of the transfer. So if a pregnancy takes place, we have to take external estrogen and progesterone to maintain the pregnancy. But not for the entire duration of the pregnancy, and the reason for that is, that the placenta takes over the hormone production from the corpus luteum at about week 13. So in our case, we slowly get weaned off towards week 13-15 and as long as they see that our levels are what they should be without the meds....we're free. As I am now!
I am beginning to collect books faster than I can read them...almost an obsession. I actually have 13 books now, between my iPad and actual paper, on pregnancy, nutrition, the first year, baby gadgets and necessities, labor, nursing, and a friend even bought one for Stef. I have a book in every room of the house just in case the mood strikes me to read a few pages. I hope to have them all read....right now it's a little slow in the reading department and busy in the buying department.
AND we have settled on a stroller. STOKKE it is. Now just to know the gender so we can pick a color. 29 more sleeps til we find out. The suspense is killing me. The 'feelings' and premonitions on gender by others is almost 50/50. My friend just pointed out that it's probably a girl because female embryos are stronger....and this is the only one that survived between day 3 and day 5. My feelings? Not tellin. I'm giving this blog to my kid one day in the form of a book. I am going on record to say that as much as I have a strong feeling about the gender, I would be just as happy to be wrong.
As far as the pregnancy goes....My belly still looks like I just ate way too much, and it's getting on my nerves. It's coming in very very slowly. I did get my heart rate Doppler from e-bay finally and we can hear the baby's heart beat any time we want. That is truly cool, although I am disappointed with the gadget itself. They have thousands of them and I carelessly bought one without the LED that displays the heart beat. I thought that was a given. Nope. I tried to return it. Right. Manufacturer is somewhere in China, not returning my emails. Good luck. On another note....I am falling apart a bit in the lower half of my body. My hip has bursitis from the expansion of the pelvis and sitting down means trying to get comfortable with a hot poker in my side. As for my feet, standing, even in comfortable shoes, is painful. My feet have always had a high arch and are large for my body. Size 9 at 5'4.5". They were size 8 not that long ago. So the ligaments have definitely changed. Not complaining at all. This journey takes the whining out of pregnancy. Just noting some of the interesting changes I did not anticipate. And...the first trimester has made a come back. I am sleeping more than I ever did and have not hit that second trimester 'jolt' yet.
My birds are still flying around what will be the nursery, and the little treasures are moving in two weeks. My dad is flying here and driving me in my vehicle with all cages, toys and of course the birds back to Edmonton. Where I will help my mom settlem them in, and have a chance to give them a proper good bye. I'm spending a week there and looking forward to going shopping for maternity clothes, baby furniture and our Stokke stroller. No Stokke here in little town on the prairie. I'm happy for his help and company. It's a 7-8 hour drive and with my hip the way it is, I'm glad to have someone else drive, at least there. When I come back, this pregnancy will take off for me. As much as I will miss the birds, I am beginning to accept it and looking forward to having the extra time every day dedicated to the things I can't do right now, as it would compromise time from their care and clean up. Boy....I sound like I run a farm. I can't wait to look into hypnobirthing, prenatal swimming and yoga, and help Stef start on the nursery and the whole house really. We will be doing a full overhaul on the house...painting, declutering all the storage and changing the decor in the upstairs living room and my office as well. We have just under 6 months to do it....I am 15 weeks today.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
First Belly Picture
By popular demand, here is a picture on our way to Stef's cousin's wedding at week 13.
And just a little update...coming up to week 14 now. Down to 1/2 cc of PIO and was hoping to hear today that I can stop. I am having a harder time twisting around to give myself the shot so I'm ready to quit. I am a full 10 lbs over my transfer weight and 20 lbs over my usual weight of 125lbs. Now that the restaurant eating and Thanksgiving is behind us, I am looking forward to watching my belly grow....not my butt. I can still sleep on my stomach, and when I look down at myself, I don't see a baby bump just yet....more like having eaten too much...but in the mirror and in pictures I see what everyone else does and what people are being pretty obvious about now. "Are you expecting?"
Sunday, October 2, 2011
First Trimester.....Reflections
What I learned during the first trimester of pregnancy (July 8 th to Sept 30):
Morning sickness and vomiting is an urban legend. Food went in only one direction. Down.
I felt one of two ways all the time. Tired or hungry. I ate just enough to be tired and then slept just long enough to get hungry.
There was no point in reading pregnancy books. Was asleep before the third sentence. Except 'Girlfriend's guide to pregnancy'. The laughing out loud kept me up.
Hubby has way more patience than I knew. The other way you can feel all the time is bitchy or weepy. But he always held my hand.
Boobs double in size....hubby also liked holding something else :)
Cottage cheese is not part of my diet, but it's sure a part of my ass.
So much for not showing in the first trimester. That is also an urben legend. 6 extra lbs on a frame that always had a belly, I was showing at 8 weeks.
Was in maternity clothes before the pregnancy stick dried. And here, they are either hideous or expensive. Online shopping to the rescue.
Don't bother to explain what a genetically normal embryo/baby is and what it means to the probability of miscarriage. Mankind is not ready. Millennia ingrained notions will prevail.
Don't sneeze or cough laying or standing straight. Not at 40. The tendonds around the uterus spasm and it hurts like a damn. Must be bent over or curled in a ball to sneeze or cough.
And...even though I'm thrilled and greatfull to be pregnant, the preparations in the next few months and having to give up my birds (thankfully to my parents) is overwhelming at times.
Second trimester goals: yoga, swimming, Birthbilss Hypnobirthing classes, change Will and life insurance, book a Baptism, get a registry, get the nursery ready, de-clutter the house and.....find out the sex of the baby. Can't wait!!
Morning sickness and vomiting is an urban legend. Food went in only one direction. Down.
I felt one of two ways all the time. Tired or hungry. I ate just enough to be tired and then slept just long enough to get hungry.
There was no point in reading pregnancy books. Was asleep before the third sentence. Except 'Girlfriend's guide to pregnancy'. The laughing out loud kept me up.
Hubby has way more patience than I knew. The other way you can feel all the time is bitchy or weepy. But he always held my hand.
Boobs double in size....hubby also liked holding something else :)
Cottage cheese is not part of my diet, but it's sure a part of my ass.
So much for not showing in the first trimester. That is also an urben legend. 6 extra lbs on a frame that always had a belly, I was showing at 8 weeks.
Was in maternity clothes before the pregnancy stick dried. And here, they are either hideous or expensive. Online shopping to the rescue.
Don't bother to explain what a genetically normal embryo/baby is and what it means to the probability of miscarriage. Mankind is not ready. Millennia ingrained notions will prevail.
Don't sneeze or cough laying or standing straight. Not at 40. The tendonds around the uterus spasm and it hurts like a damn. Must be bent over or curled in a ball to sneeze or cough.
And...even though I'm thrilled and greatfull to be pregnant, the preparations in the next few months and having to give up my birds (thankfully to my parents) is overwhelming at times.
Second trimester goals: yoga, swimming, Birthbilss Hypnobirthing classes, change Will and life insurance, book a Baptism, get a registry, get the nursery ready, de-clutter the house and.....find out the sex of the baby. Can't wait!!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Weaning and whining
Ten weeks today!! Two more weeks to close the first trimester. Very excited. Have been going for blood tests once a week to monitor the placenta's pace of making hormones so I can get off the artificial ones. I've gone from an injection and three suppositories for progesterone, to only the injection! YEY! And went from 4 patches and one pill for estrogen, to only three patches! I can see I have a two time Iron Man in there.....very determined!
I feel great. Had nausea for a bit there but it's gone. I felt generally aweful every night and that went away the minute we started going on daily walks. My need to eat constantly has settled down, and with some discipline, so has the scale. Thank goodness. I have to laugh out loud when I read books that say that most women don't gain any weight in the first trimester. Hilarious. If you're throwing up every day, maybe.
Telling people has been really wonderful. I watch my friends, collegues and well known clients cry and hug me and jump up and down. I have not tired of that at all.
What I have tired of very quickly is the folks that don't get what the embryo genetic testing in Denver provided us with. Namely, peace of mind especially in the first trimester. And no matter how much I explain it, they are still holding their breath for the first three months, and one person even went as far as saying "don't get too excited". Heartbreaking really. We know the risks...if we're excited, especially after what we've been through, who are they to suggest otherwise. Not sure how to let that go.
Saw the baby again the other day on a practically hand held ultrasound at my OBGYN's. So wonderful and so surreal. I still can't get my head around a little one growing in there, especially with no belly yet, so seeing is definitely believing! it had little arms and legs and was boogying away. Like mommy....the dancer.
I feel great. Had nausea for a bit there but it's gone. I felt generally aweful every night and that went away the minute we started going on daily walks. My need to eat constantly has settled down, and with some discipline, so has the scale. Thank goodness. I have to laugh out loud when I read books that say that most women don't gain any weight in the first trimester. Hilarious. If you're throwing up every day, maybe.
Telling people has been really wonderful. I watch my friends, collegues and well known clients cry and hug me and jump up and down. I have not tired of that at all.
What I have tired of very quickly is the folks that don't get what the embryo genetic testing in Denver provided us with. Namely, peace of mind especially in the first trimester. And no matter how much I explain it, they are still holding their breath for the first three months, and one person even went as far as saying "don't get too excited". Heartbreaking really. We know the risks...if we're excited, especially after what we've been through, who are they to suggest otherwise. Not sure how to let that go.
Saw the baby again the other day on a practically hand held ultrasound at my OBGYN's. So wonderful and so surreal. I still can't get my head around a little one growing in there, especially with no belly yet, so seeing is definitely believing! it had little arms and legs and was boogying away. Like mommy....the dancer.
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