The boobie trap and other addictions

False alarm. Thank goodness. My previous post was panic stricken over the possibility of Livi self weaning herself when in fact is was the birth control pill I was on for just one day....it had turned her off. I can't believe how one tiny tablet can change so much in one's body....and my baby's desire to breastfeed. No more pill....and back to dealing with that pesky monthly visitor who over stays her welcome. Don't care....Livi and I are back on track. She is sick with a cough right now and being able to nurse her when she can't sleep and is feeling icky, knowing she's getting the nutrition she needs when she doesn't want to eat, her falling asleep in my arms....so happy to be able to give her that.

As for other updates:

We have three teeth....the third one on top surprised me! got a glimpse of it during a diaper change and freaked out. Had no idea it was there. She had been smacking but no previous signs of teething...
Her two favorite things in the world are the same as Daddy's two favorite things in the world: Dairy Queen ice cream and Granny Smith apples. Serious. Stef eats two a day and Livi freaks out when he doesn't share. It was cute at the beginning:

But now it's out of control. She grabs, steal and swipes them whenever she can, dangerously getting a piece of the apples' skin in her mouth a few times. So, every night when daddy has one, Livi gets her very own, skinned, Granny Smith:

Her other addiction is walking. NOT ONE person ever talked to me about this. The process of how they learn to walk. I am fascinated by how gradual and methodical it is. Takings MONTHS from being able to stand while held, to standing on their own leaning on something, to being able to put one foot in front of the other while being held, to leading YOU around the house while holding your hands. Currently, Livi reaches out for our hands, knowing she needs support and walks from interesting place to interesting place in the house (had no idea each corner and crevice in the house had its own magic) She is now able to walk holding only one hand

It truly is the sweetest thing....she loves to talk and sing as she pitter patters around. I have no idea when she will take her first step on her own....again....no one ever talks about this process. As well, all babies are different. She can stand on her own for a second before losing her balance....so who knows. Maybe by her birthday in early April.

Her favorite hang out is her crib, where she can stand, walk around and play with the books in her bookcase.



Our favorite stop on the daily house tour is.....her other addiction....her shoe collection:

Shoe "pic" of the month:



Where did we get these little numbers? The savvy mommy never tells.

The heart is behind the breast

I lost it today. Before I had my baby and truly appreciated all that breastfeeding brought to my life just even from an emotional aspect, I had NO IDEA what women were talking about, using words like "sad" when describing their weaning experience.

I'm not sad....I'm certifiable. Someone should lock me up. I actually got upset with Livi tonight for rejecting me and let her cry in her crib for a while.....walking away angry, frustrated and feeling rejected of all stupid things. It wasn't long before she was in my arms again but the whole thing was just not very mature. Even though she still nurses alot during the night, she has been weaning herself VERY gradually from her daytime feedings. Starting with keeping all her feedings but only one breast, to cutting down some feedings all together, to now....not taking the breast at all as part of her night time routine. That shocked me and left me helpless. She's crying, frustrated that on one hand, something is missing at the moment, but on the other, she is rolling away from me on the bed where we read a book and nurse before sleep. We were both very upset. That's when I, being more of a child than she is, tried to force the feed and sulked when I didn't get my way. Sorry Livi...mommy needs to get a grip.

Breastfeeding to every mother is as individual as the people and the babies themselves. No one will ever feel about it or have the same experience as anyone else. More importantly, I have learned, to never judge. From women who prefer not to breastfeed to those who do so until preschool....it's no one's business. Livi is cutting me off.....not the other way around. I don't think I would ever be able to do it. I feared her being weaned as a natural consequence to me being back at work later on....it looks like I may not have to worry about that.

There is one shred of hope. Something I've noticed.....Livi backs off from nursing when I have my period.....she must sense the hormonal shift and does not like it as much. I went on the pill today. It hit me like a tonne of Tampax. I went on the pill in the middle of my cycle to alter my period time......I am hoping she picked up on the hormone and got turned off because of it. Her rejection today was much stronger than in recent days.....and her cutting back is usually way more gradual than this.

Here's hoping to a night of nursing as usual and to a better tomorrow....pill free....it's not worth it to me. Heavy periods or not.....during two upcoming vacations....who cares. Women all over the world do it...I bet someone will be having their period at the Oscars....I'll be fine. I'm not ready to lose some of my favorite moments with her just so I don't have to attend to my secret purse compartment at the airport.

The wonder of breastfeeding is hard to describe. I think we get caught up in the words "breast" and "feeding" and can't see it for what it is.....at least to me. It's more than just the nutrition of the milk for her, the peace we feel, the relaxation after a busy day or the grace of feeling her fall asleep. It's the surrender...the vulnerability of it. That feeling that only her and I know....it's ours. And I'm not ready to let it go even though she is. At 10 months, he has a mind and life of her own. My first hard truth as a mother.

IVF - Paying it Forward

Ask me how many times I was told "You should write a book" by those who know of our IVF journey. My own husband was insistent. This came mostly from those in my life who are familiar with my ability to put word on paper, so I took it more as a compliment than anything. But I did have a strong need to "give back" in some way. If there is possibly anything better thing than having a child, it's having a child after you feared you never would. In some cases, for years. The IVF path in an enormously painful and stressful one. Fear and hope battle against each other every second of every day and it's a constant effort to remain sane. So I built a website(blog) for first time IVF patients. I remember what it was like to start the IVF process and how incredibly naive, clueless and scared I was. There were so many things I didn't know and wish I had. I worked many hours into the night on this one....hoping it would help someone the way I wish I had been helped. It is a simple resource that is not sponsored by a fertility clinic or medical company. Please forward it onto anyone you know who is starting out or is thinking about IVF, and if you have a chance to take a look, please feel free to give me feedback of any kind, especially if you feel something should be added or changed. (Thanks to Jen and husband K who helped to make it more visible on the net. It worked!)

ivfexplained.blogspot.ca