Little Reminders

I stood on my front step and wept. When I saw the envelope with just my first name written on it appear out of my mailbox, I wondered who and what, since my birthday is not for two weeks. I was clueless. When I opened it, I broke down. It was a little reminder of not only who is thinking of me, but who I am on my way to meet.
This little surprise made me realize how special our journey has become to everyone around us. My upcoming trip to Denver to fetch my 'Shining Star' star been on everyone's mind. It has been apparent in the texts, phone calls and emails saying 'I'm thinking of you' or 'how are you feeling' or the hugs with 'I hope it works out for you' whispered in my ear. I truly love you all for genuinely sharing in our journey, and truly caring. And mostly, for showing it. I cannot seem to prepare myself for the ultimate outcome....as the tug of war between hope and what may not be is at constant battle. But you have all supported me in ways that I cannot thank you enough for, and truly appreciate.
My inner avoidance of facing our parenthood destiny comes with avoidance of truly thinking about my 'Shining Star'. I know our little one is in Denver waiting, ready to fight for life, but I don't dare to truly connect with it in my mind just yet. The fear is too great. That is why I wept on my front step. I opened the card to find caring words about our upcoming trip to Denver and a small gift. As the sunlight reflected off the shinny pendant, I was dazzled by how it caught the rays of light. It was in the shape of a star. A beautiful, five point, shining star.