Pictures and the Next Trimester

(For my followers by e-mail, please erase the previous post..it was posted in error. This is the real one)

6 month picture:

How much I've grown in the second trimester:

In my 28th week, as the sun rises on my third trimester, I reflect on what the second trimester has taught me:

Constantly needing to eat slowly changed to constantly needing to pee.....made even more entertaining by my the little one using my bladder as her first drum set
My thighs rubbing together when I walked....especially while nude.....was uncalled for
Frequent fatigue slowly turned to frequent foot pain. My feet were the only ailment I had...so I'm lucky.
I found the common reaction of "JUST WAIT!" from other moms when talking about my pregnancy to be something I ended up trying to avoid. I don't want to wait....I'm loving every second
Rings and watch became deadly threats to normal circulation and had to come off until further notice
My boobs slowly turned from newly endowed blossoms to serious nipple clad rockets that frankly frightened both of us
Although it may look like the extra lbs is all baby, I've grown a new back
I love pink more than I ever have in my whole life
Deciding on a name is a journey, and finding 'the one' feels like you've just invented somebody
They say women reach their sexual peak at 40. Combine that with a progesterone pumped 2nd trimester, and I'm all Peppe-le-Pew, chasing hubby around.

Top 5 favorite of the second trimester:
1) My friends and my parents were so excited they dropped gifts off on my door step and sent gifts and books in the mail. Truly amazing, and thank you very much.
2 ) Hubby carrying my purse and LaVieEnRose purchase while shopping at the Bay because my feet hurt
3) Feeling and watching the baby kick as we relaxed together every night by the fireplace
4) Getting the nursery ready together
5) New Years in Vegas and shopping for her there. The clothes are painfully cute:

A list of the books I've been reading in hopes of having a shred of a clue:
The Happiest Baby on the Block
The Big Book of Birth
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
The Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood
The Girlfriend's Guide to Baby Gear
On Becoming Baby Wise
....and 4 pregnancy books that are getting a bit of dust now.

Accomplishments during the second trimester: Started and loving prenatal aquasize, Hypnobirthing, prenatal yoga (first class this Saturday), 25 - 45 minutes on the treadmill as often as possible, got the Baptism plans underway (including my dear friend M as the God Mother), registered at Babies R Us (the inventory on the Canadian registry sucks), Stef drove us to see my birds at my parents' (7 hours away) after moving them in November, which was more than awesome. 
Third trimester goals: Do my work outs in the morning, set up a will, have fun at my two baby showers (one friend and one work), Doula and birthplan, start my Belly Book, take Infant safety course in person or in a book, finish crocheting her blanket, finish preparing all necessities, get an airtight plan with my OBGYN

A huge, heartfelt thank you to Stef who has once again shared his gift of design and renovating with our new family to be. Here is picture of the before and after of the nursery and a current work in progress of her bookcase and closet.

Our upstairs livingroom, an abandoned art gallery to our livingroom downstairs, was across from the bird room, now the nursery. Now a new TV and gas fireplace upstairs, (all built and installed by Stef) since we will be spending more time there. Here is a shot of the new livingroom, and then one going into the nursery from the livingroom.

The other room that needed to have an overhaul is my office. We wanted to make room for her to play in there and generally have a better space for me to work in. Here is one before and two after pictures of my office.

Needless to say, it has been and will continue to be a busy few months. We are having a ball. Not one moment goes by without me feeling like I'm the luckiest person alive. She is starting to kick me off the couch these days and it's beyond magical. I do a double-take whenever I pass a mirror....I still can't believe that the pregant woman I'm looking at is me. My whole life, I wondered what it would be like, and two years ago, I was told it was not possible. IVF and Denver made the impossible happen. And it reminds me with a kick, every day.

Cord Blood and other Black Holes

It is now one year ago that we had our phone consult with Dr. Minjarez at CCRM, and two years that my doctor sat me down in her office and told me Stef has azoospermia. I cannot believe that today, I am 21 weeks pregnant with the baby girl of my dreams and just finished a tour of the labour and delivery ward at the hospital. I do have to say that not only do I feel like the luckiest person in the world, I am stinking proud of myself for all that I've done to accomplish this. The end result was out of my hands, but getting there was all in my control and I worked like a one armed turkey farmer to get there. When I was on the phone with Dr. M one year ago, embarking on the journey to the land of a thousand needles and endless stress and work, I never would have guessed that this could really come true.

On a much different note...I stumbled upon something that will not work out and it actually upset me greatly. Anyone giving birth these days has the option of storing their child's cord ( for the stem cells ) for their future use, or to donate it to hopefully save the life of others. After some research on the probability of her needing her own stem cells in life, I decided to donate my daughter's cord blood so her stem cells can save the life of someone else. She was a gift from God and science and I really wanted to give back to them both. It was not easy finding a facility that actually allowed you to donate....but found plenty that would take your money to store your own. After finally finding one in Alberta and having them send me their paperwork, I was heart broken to find out that I am excluded from public donation. Anyone over 36 years of age is. Brutal. Don't know why....I guess genetic testing at CCRM only goes so far. Through my disappointment, I realized that her and I will have to find other ways of giving back and showing our gratitude.

Stef and I worked hard on the nursery this weekend. It's really coming along...I'll post a picture when we have it done. As for some of the things on my to do list...I'm not doing too bad. Hospital tour was done tonight, I've started prenatal aquasize, signing up for prenatal yoga and Hypnobirthing this weekend, started crotcheting her baby blanket, put our name on the waiting list of three child care facilities and am continuing to take my picture every week for my Belly Book, which I have yet to start. So lots of things to do still, including landing a name for her.

I have to admit, I never expected finding a name to be such a challenge. Stef and I agree on very few, and the few we agree on, I like for a week and then we're back to square one. I keep getting this feeling that her name has already been decided and if I listen carefully, I'll hear it. OK, I'm all ears.

And our Shinning Star is.......

A little GIRL!!

So excited! I thought it was a girl all along until lots of people insisted it was a boy, and got me thinking I may be wrong. But it's a good thing I was excited for both. So we're having our little princess! I went straight to a nice baby store and got her an heirloom blanket. As my first gift to her.

Thank you for all your support!!

Gratitude and a Special Announcement

|As I sit in the morning twilight, watching the snow on our evergreens turn a soft pink, greatfullness sweeps into my heart.

Reading a few blogs lately of my IVF girls, or their blog followers, there are some very sad stories out there. So many struggles...not just with infertility and IVF, but procedures and hurdles they have to overcome to get to do a cycle of IVF...just to see it fail again and again, having to deal with the implications of donor egg or sperm...not knowing where to draw the line and what it all means. The pain, hardship and stress that infertility and continued IVF failures cause to people, their marriages and their families can be paralizing. My heart goes out to all of them, and it makes me even more greatful to be carrying our child....and I'm still waiting for it to hit me acutually. It is still surreal. Every pregnancy is a miracle of life. My IVF pregnancy feels like a miracle gift. Of life, science and God.

I'm also greatful for my parents who took in my parrots. My Jardine and lovebird are now living with my parents, for as long as they can or want to take are of them. As simple as this may sound, it is not and was not, for anyone. They are both beautiful little creatures with amazing personalities who were very attached to us. I used to nap with them with one sitting on my chest above my heart and the other on my knee. They used to eat breakfast with us, especially pancakes, and then shower with me. I never sang in the shower....but my lovebird did. Everyday that I came home from work, my love bird would sit on the handle of the French door of their room and look on in anticipation as I put my computer down and went to kiss his beak through the glass. He couldn't wait to see me and come out and play, followed by my Jardine. They could not stay with us because they are fully flighted and not caged, which makes clean up alone a two hour afair daily, and most of the day on Sunday when I did a full once over on their room. Also, the big parrot has a major attitude, especially during breeding season and can be jealous and dangerous....so he can never be around a child, or me taking care of a child. At the age of 23, when I moved back in with my parents after living on my own for a while, my dad was thrilled, but with one stipulation " but when you move out again, no more leaving your pets behind ". Well, my parents have now taken care of 4 of my birds, 3 of which are still well and alive in their home today. I'm so greatful they are willing to let those little feathered treasures mess up their house, take up lots of their time, and bring song and laughter to their life.


I'm greatful for Stef. Everyone who knows us personally, knows that he is a genius designer and renovator. His back breaking work ethic combined with a nack for perfection and an eye for contemporary style has turned our home and back yard into being worthy of magazine covers. While I was at my parents' in Edmonton settling in my birds and being spoiled by my mom and friend Monika and her family, Stef set sail on the house and nursery renos, all bunkered in for a week. What was the birds' room is now the nursery, all cleaned out with fresh paint, modern wall paper on the feature wall and a funky closet we are finishing up today. The main floor of our home has been completely repainted and restyled, with a major reno project in the livingroom, which faces the nursery. We will spend more time in this room now (as opposed to it having been an abandoned art gallery for the past three years) so we are bringing in a fire place and TV as well as a child safe leather coffee table and new area rug which we brought home yesterday and are enjoying right now. All this to say that I am greatful to have a husband with all his great qualities, including those that REALLY make other wives jealous. Along with his Italian good looks, the taste of Sir Frank Lloyd Wright, the artistic flare of DaVinchi and the heart of a true Roman Soldier.

I think I might be feeling the baby's movement. Not the butterfly flutters that people talk about, but more like a muscle twich feels. Or a pinch from inside. We'll have a look at the baby during my 20 week ultrasound on Wednesday and hopefully FIND OUT THE GENDER of the baby!!. That is my special announcement. So look for an update this coming Wednesday about a boy or girl...hopefully the little one is a little exhibitionist like his or her mama and is facing the right way!

Something in the Wind

As a pharmaceutical rep, I frequent many doctors' offices and waiting rooms and see many kids and families. Today, one caught my attention to the core. The mom was sitting on a chair and her little girl, less than 2, was underneath it, facing her brother, younger than her, who was wound around his mother's legs. She was creaming in laughter and delight. They were playing some game that only they know and understand and apparently, she was winning. Her laughter was so sweet and wonderful, that I couldn't help but wonder what her life would be like if her brother wasn't there to bring her that kind of joy. What she would be doing in that waiting room instead....tugging at her mom in bordom? sitting and reading a children's book? I don't know....but she wouldn't be laughing like that. A month ago, that scene would have had me running back to my car in tears, still not understanding why we were not given twins in this process....like I was sure we would if I got pregnant. To be honest, I never saw myself as a mother of two before IVF. I only dreamed of one child my whole life. But IVF almost promises the option of two babies at once and the idea really grew on me as our journey progressed. So much so, that I thought for sure a boy and a girl were in our future. Up until recently, I still didn't understand how only a singleton happened. Over joyed and greatful of course, yet a little disappointed and perplexed how my strong premonition of having siblings had been wrong.

Then something changed. I became aware of a strong message that I had been too stubborn to hear before. That I'm living my destiny. And a peace has fallen over my heart about this child being a singleton. Like it's meant to be for reasons I don't know yet and need to trust. I can't explain where it came from. All I know is that seeing a couple with two kids, thinking about twins or the notion that our child may grow up without a brother or sister no longer bothers me. It's as if he or she whispered it to me from my whom...."It's OK. It's what I want".

P.S. Lest we forget, I had TWO normal blasts at day 5. One arrested. The other one, I'm carrying.

Enjoy our 4 moths pictures. Stef took them - he is a magician.

A Different Kind of Graduation

I'm officially like everyone else now. Well, those who know me would argue that that's never possible, but I mean that I am no longer under the care of a fertility clinic to have this baby. I am like any other pregnant woman. No more hormones, needles, patches and weekly blood tests. Which were getting really annoying by the way. Every week, sometimes twice, I would go to the hospital to have blood drawn to check estrogen and progesterone levels so Colorado can adjust my doses accordingly. I have had to do this for the past 4 months. They had to be same day results, faxed to Colorado. How many times do you think my nurse in Colorado would email me the next day and say 'I never received your results yesterday'. More than half the time. Chasing those results down got really old, especially when I heard "we can't talk to patients" from the labs. Well, my doc has no time for incompetent people in the labs and I felt like informing them of that. But that's over now. My nurse called this week to tell me that my care is officially being transferred to my OBGYN at home. When she happily told me I've 'graduated' from CCRM, I burst into tears. It was as if a war had ended with me the victor....I cried over the tremendous amount of work this was. The least of which were the meds and the needles....that was the easy part. The hard part was working with this health care system to accommodate what Colorado was doing and needed.

A friend had asked me why I was on hormones during the pregnancy in the first place. If you are interested in the scientific answer, read on. If not, skip this paragraph. In a regular cycle of a non IFV woman, once the egg is released, the follicle that released the egg is called the 'corpus luteum' and will play an essential role should there be a pregnancy. If the egg gets fertilized and embeds in the uteral linnig, the blastocysts (5 day old embryo) sends off the pregnancy hormone (human chorionic gonadotropin or HcG hormone) to the corpus luteum. The corpus luteum then, in response to the HcG, begins to produce enough estrogen and progesterone so that the body does not begin a period, hense retaining the uteral lining and the baby. This is why you get a period if there is no pregnancy...because your hormones plummet. Women undergoing IVF do not have a corpus luteum to govern hormones, because they did not ovulate. They did not ovulate because our entire hormonal system is shut down (with the birth control pill and other suppression hormones) prior to transfer of the embryo, in efforts to manually adjust the cycle and hormones in order to accommodate the timing and precision of the transfer. So if a pregnancy takes place, we have to take external estrogen and progesterone to maintain the pregnancy. But not for the entire duration of the pregnancy, and the reason for that is, that the placenta takes over the hormone production from the corpus luteum at about week 13. So in our case, we slowly get weaned off towards week 13-15 and as long as they see that our levels are what they should be without the meds....we're free. As I am now!

I am beginning to collect books faster than I can read them...almost an obsession. I actually have 13 books now, between my iPad and actual paper, on pregnancy, nutrition, the first year, baby gadgets and necessities, labor, nursing, and a friend even bought one for Stef. I have a book in every room of the house just in case the mood strikes me to read a few pages. I hope to have them all read....right now it's a little slow in the reading department and busy in the buying department.

AND we have settled on a stroller. STOKKE it is. Now just to know the gender so we can pick a color. 29 more sleeps til we find out. The suspense is killing me. The 'feelings' and premonitions on gender by others is almost 50/50. My friend just pointed out that it's probably a girl because female embryos are stronger....and this is the only one that survived between day 3 and day 5. My feelings? Not tellin. I'm giving this blog to my kid one day in the form of a book. I am going on record to say that as much as I have a strong feeling about the gender, I would be just as happy to be wrong.

As far as the pregnancy goes....My belly still looks like I just ate way too much, and it's getting on my nerves. It's coming in very very slowly. I did get my heart rate Doppler from e-bay finally and we can hear the baby's heart beat any time we want. That is truly cool, although I am disappointed with the gadget itself. They have thousands of them and I carelessly bought one without the LED that displays the heart beat. I thought that was a given. Nope. I tried to return it. Right. Manufacturer is somewhere in China, not returning my emails. Good luck. On another note....I am falling apart a bit in the lower half of my body. My hip has bursitis from the expansion of the pelvis and sitting down means trying to get comfortable with a hot poker in my side. As for my feet, standing, even in comfortable shoes, is painful. My feet have always had a high arch and are large for my body. Size 9 at 5'4.5". They were size 8 not that long ago. So the ligaments have definitely changed. Not complaining at all. This journey takes the whining out of pregnancy. Just noting some of the interesting changes I did not anticipate. And...the first trimester has made a come back. I am sleeping more than I ever did and have not hit that second trimester 'jolt' yet.

My birds are still flying around what will be the nursery, and the little treasures are moving in two weeks. My dad is flying here and driving me in my vehicle with all cages, toys and of course the birds back to Edmonton. Where I will help my mom settlem them in, and have a chance to give them a proper good bye. I'm spending a week there and looking forward to going shopping for maternity clothes, baby furniture and our Stokke stroller. No Stokke here in little town on the prairie. I'm happy for his help and company. It's a 7-8 hour drive and with my hip the way it is, I'm glad to have someone else drive, at least there. When I come back, this pregnancy will take off for me. As much as I will miss the birds, I am beginning to accept it and looking forward to having the extra time every day dedicated to the things I can't do right now, as it would compromise time from their care and clean up. Boy....I sound like I run a farm. I can't wait to look into hypnobirthing, prenatal swimming and yoga, and help Stef start on the nursery and the whole house really. We will be doing a full overhaul on the house...painting, declutering all the storage and changing the decor in the upstairs living room and my office as well. We have just under 6 months to do it....I am 15 weeks today.

First Belly Picture

By popular demand, here is a picture on our way to Stef's cousin's wedding at week 13.

And just a little update...coming up to week 14 now. Down to 1/2 cc of PIO and was hoping to hear today that I can stop. I am having a harder time twisting around to give myself the shot so I'm ready to quit. I am a full 10 lbs over my transfer weight and 20 lbs over my usual weight of 125lbs. Now that the restaurant eating and Thanksgiving is behind us, I am looking forward to watching my belly grow....not my butt. I can still sleep on my stomach, and when I look down at myself, I don't see a baby bump just yet....more like having eaten too much...but in the mirror and in pictures I see what everyone else does and what people are being pretty obvious about now. "Are you expecting?"