As a pharmaceutical rep, I frequent many doctors' offices and waiting rooms and see many kids and families. Today, one caught my attention to the core. The mom was sitting on a chair and her little girl, less than 2, was underneath it, facing her brother, younger than her, who was wound around his mother's legs. She was creaming in laughter and delight. They were playing some game that only they know and understand and apparently, she was winning. Her laughter was so sweet and wonderful, that I couldn't help but wonder what her life would be like if her brother wasn't there to bring her that kind of joy. What she would be doing in that waiting room instead....tugging at her mom in bordom? sitting and reading a children's book? I don't know....but she wouldn't be laughing like that. A month ago, that scene would have had me running back to my car in tears, still not understanding why we were not given twins in this process....like I was sure we would if I got pregnant. To be honest, I never saw myself as a mother of two before IVF. I only dreamed of one child my whole life. But IVF almost promises the option of two babies at once and the idea really grew on me as our journey progressed. So much so, that I thought for sure a boy and a girl were in our future. Up until recently, I still didn't understand how only a singleton happened. Over joyed and greatful of course, yet a little disappointed and perplexed how my strong premonition of having siblings had been wrong.
Then something changed. I became aware of a strong message that I had been too stubborn to hear before. That I'm living my destiny. And a peace has fallen over my heart about this child being a singleton. Like it's meant to be for reasons I don't know yet and need to trust. I can't explain where it came from. All I know is that seeing a couple with two kids, thinking about twins or the notion that our child may grow up without a brother or sister no longer bothers me. It's as if he or she whispered it to me from my whom...."It's OK. It's what I want".
P.S. Lest we forget, I had TWO normal blasts at day 5. One arrested. The other one, I'm carrying.
Enjoy our 4 moths pictures. Stef took them - he is a magician.
Beautiful pics Iveta!! Stef did an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteAwesome fun, fall, bump pics! Love them! 4 months already, that is great! I am glad the thought of twins or 2 no longer bothers you. I am sure it's hard not to think about it but once baby is born I am sure it won't cross your mind.
ReplyDeleteYou look BEAUTIFUL!! I get the same pangs about seeing families with two kids. I know I am fortunate to have more but my scars to just have one are too deep to move forward with a second. Maybe one day...but you are right...its all in our destiny. Thanks for posting!
ReplyDeleteLove your pics! Your bump looks great! Even though we elected to only transfer one, I still think it would be cool to have twins, because I would be done. No more fertility angst!. But I know my body could probably only handle one at a time. I just don't know if I will be able to put myself through another transfer after this one.
ReplyDeleteLook at you! These pictures are GREAT and you look so natural with your baby bump! If you really want twins, I am sure I can Fed Ex you one of mine for a few days - then you'll probably appreciate that you only have your one shining star! ;o)
ReplyDeleteLove your pictures!!
ReplyDeleteI used to worry about having just one, same thoughts that you have, but you are right, we have to accept what in the stars for us and try to believe that it's perfect the way it is.
And thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt support. I appreciate it so much. xoxo