So we took a seat next to a your sport looking couple playing cards in the Maple Leaf Loung - in Canadian airports, it's a glorious place with big chairs and free drinks, food and lattes, for everyone traveliveling first class or willing to pay the bucks to hang out there. We eventually struck up lively chit chat. When Stef mentioned he was a runner, the guy asked him if he read " Born To Run". Ummmmm....it's in Stef's carry on. I bought it for him when I went to Nederland when I was in Denver.....ummmmm....they are from Denver and are traveling to Prague.....ummmm....where I'm from. Did I mention they have identica twins? Just the cherry on the cake. I always thought I'd have twins.....sign? That was sooooo weird.
We then walked to our gate....the very same place we slept on the floor the first night on our honeymoon. Long story. We've come a long way since. Had enough points for first class and though I might be pregnant at this time from Calgary IVF when I booked the tickets. I don't mind at all, sipping my complimentary champagne in my pod. I think that's the least I deserve for not being 6 months pregnant like I was supposed to be. More room though.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Bags and Vampires
They want more blood. Just when I think the tests are over, CCRM let's me know that communicables (like HIV test) is only valid for 6 months. Last one was in January. So yup. More blood.....and bad new for folks having long term care at CCRM..new policy...the blood has to be drawn THERE!!! Wow.
And how about packing for the last SEVEN hours. And that does not include agonizing over my clothes and shoes all week and doing laundry and ironing till midnight last night. I know you don't really feel sorry for me, seeing as I'll be in Rome in almost 24 hours, but right now, this week was crazy. Up at the crack of dawn everyday due to the sheer volume of work I needed to get done, trying to pack and work out in the evening. I am taking my packed-out ass to bed. Cab is here at 9am! Will blog from Rome!
And how about packing for the last SEVEN hours. And that does not include agonizing over my clothes and shoes all week and doing laundry and ironing till midnight last night. I know you don't really feel sorry for me, seeing as I'll be in Rome in almost 24 hours, but right now, this week was crazy. Up at the crack of dawn everyday due to the sheer volume of work I needed to get done, trying to pack and work out in the evening. I am taking my packed-out ass to bed. Cab is here at 9am! Will blog from Rome!
Monday, May 2, 2011
All roads lead to Rome
Well, mine do anyways. We are leaving for Rome on Saturday for three weeks. So sorry that I've been off line. I had to take my birds to my parents, 8 hours away for the Easter weekend and have since been making all the arrangements for an international trip, along with this being a busy time at work. I am looking forward to relaxing and eating. Exactly! what I need before going back to Denver again. I have been thinking about my shinning star every day and can't wait for my transfer. I will be sending little updates from Italy to let everyone know how our trip is going. Take care and chiao!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Sibling Rivalry
Thank you for cheering our 'normal' little Diiorio!!
One more thing I never expected on this IVF train - the sibling detour. Goldie asked me a good question on my previous post that has been on my mind. Dr. M pointed out to me that I might want to consider doing one more cycle before the transfer of our little Diiorio in Denver, so as to ensure that there will be a sibling. Either now in the form of twins, or later as a frozen transfer. The idea is to create more embryos now with my 39-40 year old eggs, rather than later, with 41-42 year old eggs once this baby is 12 months or so. That would be a good plan, except:
1) we've waited two and a half years through trials and tribulations to get pregnant and don't want to wait anymore. Another cycle would take a few months to do it well.
2) we should see how we feel about having another child after this one comes, and if we're really ready for another one and it's meant to be, my eggs will cooperate
3) what if this one becomes identical twins? No need for a sibling!
4) if this one doesn't take, we'll have no choice but to cycle again so why not see what happens first
5) most importantly, we both feel like pausing this transfer for another cycle is a detour from what we really want to do.
6) Stef has lost all patience with this process (what? He didn't get a needle in the ass once!)
So that's the decision about our embryo bank....I did this post more for me than anyone...as I can't handle the fear of regret and needed to get the reasons down on paper. Or 'screen' I should say.
For my IVF gals who've had a FET
I have a choice of progesterone support. Suppositories or injection. Thoughts? I would do the once a day suppositories but heard the injections are more effective ?
One more thing I never expected on this IVF train - the sibling detour. Goldie asked me a good question on my previous post that has been on my mind. Dr. M pointed out to me that I might want to consider doing one more cycle before the transfer of our little Diiorio in Denver, so as to ensure that there will be a sibling. Either now in the form of twins, or later as a frozen transfer. The idea is to create more embryos now with my 39-40 year old eggs, rather than later, with 41-42 year old eggs once this baby is 12 months or so. That would be a good plan, except:
1) we've waited two and a half years through trials and tribulations to get pregnant and don't want to wait anymore. Another cycle would take a few months to do it well.
2) we should see how we feel about having another child after this one comes, and if we're really ready for another one and it's meant to be, my eggs will cooperate
3) what if this one becomes identical twins? No need for a sibling!
4) if this one doesn't take, we'll have no choice but to cycle again so why not see what happens first
5) most importantly, we both feel like pausing this transfer for another cycle is a detour from what we really want to do.
6) Stef has lost all patience with this process (what? He didn't get a needle in the ass once!)
So that's the decision about our embryo bank....I did this post more for me than anyone...as I can't handle the fear of regret and needed to get the reasons down on paper. Or 'screen' I should say.
For my IVF gals who've had a FET
I have a choice of progesterone support. Suppositories or injection. Thoughts? I would do the once a day suppositories but heard the injections are more effective ?
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
AND THE WINNER IS........
My shinning star!!! WE HAVE A GENETICALLY NORMAL BLASTOCYST!!!
Right in the middle of my daily stress out about the state of our blast, wondering how I'll make it through another week or two, I get a call from my doctor in Denver. I couldn't believe it was her on the phone. I instantly knew what it was about and tried to read her tone even before she told me. All I know is there were much too many words before I heard the word "NORMAL". Even then I had to hear it a few times for it to sink in. This means....we are in the running to start a family and according to their statistics, with this quality of a blast at my age, I have a 64% chance of pregnancy and a 60% chance of carrying this baby to term. You may think those aren't the best odds...but let me tell you....at my age and with IVF.....those are fantastic odds!
Recap for my non-IVF followers: This was big. Really big. This phone call could have resulted in this being over. According to some records I saw on an IVF forum, there is absolutely no guarantee, that just because an embryo lives to day 5 (now termed a blastocyst, or blast) it does not mean it is genetically normal. In a normally fertile, non-IVF woman, a genetically abnormal embryo is lost with a period or is miscarried, or sometimes born as a child with abnormalities. In IVF, and for $7000, you can find out if it is normal or not, and up to HALF of them are not. So, it could have gone either way. They would not have given me an abnormal blast, and we would be finished. We both had a good feeling about this, but I took nothing for granted.
Recap for my IVF gals : get this...if you recall, there was one egg that matured over night, ICSIed the next day and fertilized. Last week, the embryologist told me that, that one in particular was 'poor quality' at day 5 so they didn't save it. Dr. M just told me that they genetically tested it anyway....it was normal!! she assured me it would never have attached because of how delayed it was, but it was of good quality on day 3! This tells her that should there be another cycle, she is confident we could do a fresh day 3 transfer. Also, I asked her about my procol. She admited that the high dose of Gonal-f backfired in my case. There are two procols she could have used on me and flipped a coin. Now that she knows this one did not optimize my follicles, she would use an estrogen based one next time, designed to stimulate small follicles early. Hopefully the only need to cycle again will be for a sibling!!
Whats up next: We are going to eat and relax in Italy and we will go get our little star in the summer.
I feel, now more than ever, that this shinning star will start our family. I am still reeling from my strong premonition of two kids being dislodged. I am greatful to have the opportunity to bring this one into this world.....and starting to appreciate that when it comes to having kids, IVF or not, nothing should be predicted, assumed, or taken for granted.
Right in the middle of my daily stress out about the state of our blast, wondering how I'll make it through another week or two, I get a call from my doctor in Denver. I couldn't believe it was her on the phone. I instantly knew what it was about and tried to read her tone even before she told me. All I know is there were much too many words before I heard the word "NORMAL". Even then I had to hear it a few times for it to sink in. This means....we are in the running to start a family and according to their statistics, with this quality of a blast at my age, I have a 64% chance of pregnancy and a 60% chance of carrying this baby to term. You may think those aren't the best odds...but let me tell you....at my age and with IVF.....those are fantastic odds!
Recap for my non-IVF followers: This was big. Really big. This phone call could have resulted in this being over. According to some records I saw on an IVF forum, there is absolutely no guarantee, that just because an embryo lives to day 5 (now termed a blastocyst, or blast) it does not mean it is genetically normal. In a normally fertile, non-IVF woman, a genetically abnormal embryo is lost with a period or is miscarried, or sometimes born as a child with abnormalities. In IVF, and for $7000, you can find out if it is normal or not, and up to HALF of them are not. So, it could have gone either way. They would not have given me an abnormal blast, and we would be finished. We both had a good feeling about this, but I took nothing for granted.
Recap for my IVF gals : get this...if you recall, there was one egg that matured over night, ICSIed the next day and fertilized. Last week, the embryologist told me that, that one in particular was 'poor quality' at day 5 so they didn't save it. Dr. M just told me that they genetically tested it anyway....it was normal!! she assured me it would never have attached because of how delayed it was, but it was of good quality on day 3! This tells her that should there be another cycle, she is confident we could do a fresh day 3 transfer. Also, I asked her about my procol. She admited that the high dose of Gonal-f backfired in my case. There are two procols she could have used on me and flipped a coin. Now that she knows this one did not optimize my follicles, she would use an estrogen based one next time, designed to stimulate small follicles early. Hopefully the only need to cycle again will be for a sibling!!
Whats up next: We are going to eat and relax in Italy and we will go get our little star in the summer.
I feel, now more than ever, that this shinning star will start our family. I am still reeling from my strong premonition of two kids being dislodged. I am greatful to have the opportunity to bring this one into this world.....and starting to appreciate that when it comes to having kids, IVF or not, nothing should be predicted, assumed, or taken for granted.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Has anyone seen my mind?
I have not really been one to wine to people about feeling down, and I know better than to do that on an infertility blog where my followers have suffered multiple miscarriages and failed cycles. I'm better with coming to my friends with an actuall issue to analize, narrow in on and attack with new outlooks, attitudes and solutions. I don't really have one. I wish I could say it was the waiting for the genetic testing, more than two years of this, letting go of having boy/girl twins ( I saw their faces in my dreams), having only one shot at having a child of our own flesh and blood (depending on genetic testing of course) , not being ready for plan B to be child free like we've always agreed on, the dramatic fluctuations of hormones, or the lately not-so-strict-low-carb diet in preparation for Italy in exactly three weeks tomorrow (OMG). I do know this:
I have lost my mind. I desperately want to open up an alcohol swab and take in that smell of preparing for an injection. I would do it, but then I'd have to have myself checked in. I miss the feeling of doing something about this, even if it freaking truly is sticking a sharp object into myself, for the love of God. I miss being engaged in my life, where very second was one closer to getting on the plane to Denver.
And if I hear more story about some couple who who went for IVF twice and it didn't work and then they got pregnant on their own....I'll freak right out. What part of "blockage" don't they get. I just politely smile.....listen to the SECOND time they tell me the same freaking story, and say again..."well, that's nice for them, but that will never be us, you see, WE CANT HAVE KIDS!!!! it's not that we are having trouble, or it's unexplained, or IVF is a way to speed up the process, no, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!. Why don't people get that.
The best advice so far has been the ever simple and forever resignating: "what is meant to be, will be". I have always believed in destiny before.....that's been a challenge lately.
My hubby tried to cheer me up by insisting to take me to the premier of "RIO", a 3D animated Parrot movie. He supports his "bird lady" wife by loving her birds (that took two years and an awesome lovebird "Chico") and becoming somewhat of a bird lover himself. Oh good...just what I needed....a tear jerking movie about birds in a theater full of little kids. Good movie, but because we have a parrot we found it sad. I came home and woke up my parrot to apologize for contributing to the parrot trade and ripping him away from his natural habitat. I don't cage my birds and they are fully flighted, but still. I don't get how people think it's OK to keep something that flies in a cage with it's wings clipped. Because the pet stores do? We're the animals.
I call our one blast "my shining star". Why? In our last cycle in Calgary, 3/8 embryos made it to day 3. A week ago in Denver, 4/4 embryos made it to day 3. Which tells me two things...we really did do better in Denver. The accupucture, swallowing an open fistfull of herbs everynight and the clinic itself improved our embryo count from 38% to 100%. The second thing it tells me, is that something happend on day 4. Eventhough they made it that far, all embryos died with the expection of this one. I hope it's because it wants to come home with us. That shinning star is the only light I carry right now.
I have lost my mind. I desperately want to open up an alcohol swab and take in that smell of preparing for an injection. I would do it, but then I'd have to have myself checked in. I miss the feeling of doing something about this, even if it freaking truly is sticking a sharp object into myself, for the love of God. I miss being engaged in my life, where very second was one closer to getting on the plane to Denver.
And if I hear more story about some couple who who went for IVF twice and it didn't work and then they got pregnant on their own....I'll freak right out. What part of "blockage" don't they get. I just politely smile.....listen to the SECOND time they tell me the same freaking story, and say again..."well, that's nice for them, but that will never be us, you see, WE CANT HAVE KIDS!!!! it's not that we are having trouble, or it's unexplained, or IVF is a way to speed up the process, no, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!. Why don't people get that.
The best advice so far has been the ever simple and forever resignating: "what is meant to be, will be". I have always believed in destiny before.....that's been a challenge lately.
My hubby tried to cheer me up by insisting to take me to the premier of "RIO", a 3D animated Parrot movie. He supports his "bird lady" wife by loving her birds (that took two years and an awesome lovebird "Chico") and becoming somewhat of a bird lover himself. Oh good...just what I needed....a tear jerking movie about birds in a theater full of little kids. Good movie, but because we have a parrot we found it sad. I came home and woke up my parrot to apologize for contributing to the parrot trade and ripping him away from his natural habitat. I don't cage my birds and they are fully flighted, but still. I don't get how people think it's OK to keep something that flies in a cage with it's wings clipped. Because the pet stores do? We're the animals.
I call our one blast "my shining star". Why? In our last cycle in Calgary, 3/8 embryos made it to day 3. A week ago in Denver, 4/4 embryos made it to day 3. Which tells me two things...we really did do better in Denver. The accupucture, swallowing an open fistfull of herbs everynight and the clinic itself improved our embryo count from 38% to 100%. The second thing it tells me, is that something happend on day 4. Eventhough they made it that far, all embryos died with the expection of this one. I hope it's because it wants to come home with us. That shinning star is the only light I carry right now.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
What a Blast!
And that's what we have. ONE blast. Good quality, grade 5BB (5AA is best). We are thrilled that one made it to the blastocyst stage (day 5), because in Calgary, our relusts were bleak on day 3. That is why we went to CCRM - to increase our chances. We do have one chance, and we are greatful, although we were hoping not to have to sweat this hard with only one on board. I had a little grieving moment, as I always saw myself with twins. This process almost promises twins and I sure got that screwed into my head. Some say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle.....so there must be a reason.
RECAP: Of the 8 eggs they took out, 6 were mature enough to fertilize. 4 actually fertilized, and of those 4, one special little Diiorio made it. It is now frozen, with one cell having been taken out for genetic testing before freezing.
WHAT'S COMING UP: We chose to do genetic testing (Comprehensive Chromosomal Screening). This will be another nail biter - as it has been for the last two days. We are counting on this ONE blast to be normal....this is our only chance. They will let us know in 2-3 weeks. Providing it is, we will be going back to CCRM this summer for the transfer.
All day I lived with the fact that this phone call could end it all. Then I realized that if it doesn't, we are still a long ways away from becoming a family. But, one hurdle is over. And one baby is waiting for us. All along during this process, I've heard "it only takes one". One it is.
RECAP: Of the 8 eggs they took out, 6 were mature enough to fertilize. 4 actually fertilized, and of those 4, one special little Diiorio made it. It is now frozen, with one cell having been taken out for genetic testing before freezing.
WHAT'S COMING UP: We chose to do genetic testing (Comprehensive Chromosomal Screening). This will be another nail biter - as it has been for the last two days. We are counting on this ONE blast to be normal....this is our only chance. They will let us know in 2-3 weeks. Providing it is, we will be going back to CCRM this summer for the transfer.
All day I lived with the fact that this phone call could end it all. Then I realized that if it doesn't, we are still a long ways away from becoming a family. But, one hurdle is over. And one baby is waiting for us. All along during this process, I've heard "it only takes one". One it is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)