Livi is four weeks old!

Happy four weeks Livi! And now.....how's it going, as many of you have asked. I know, it's time for an update.

LIVI: is the light in my life. She is a good baby with a neutral disposition.....and spends much of her time pondering and taking things in. She makes direct eye contact now, which brings both of us to our knees. We are swept away by how beautiful she is. So here's the hard part. It's very difficult seeing her peaceful pretty face contort in pain and cry....she has some bowel issues. It's not classic colik. More like a sensitivity or slow bowel. She does have good and bad days, but she spends most of her time pushing, grunting, straining.....and at times, to tears. Especially at night. After her 4:30 am feeding, the fun is over (especially after feeding at 11:00pm and again at 1:30am). We both spend hours shifting in and out of sleep, with me there for her as she wakes, uncomfortable, writhing, sometimes crying. By 8:30 am, the worst of it has passed, but now it's time for her breakfast and daddy is usually up, making mommy breakfast as she nurses. I don't "sleep when the baby sleeps", but we do take a nursing nap together somedays if the night was especially tough. During the day, she still struggles, but rarely to the point of crying. We are doing all we can to sooth her discomfort (suppositories, Gripe water and BioGaia have done very little). She loves being danced with and falls asleep. She does know the difference between random, hopeful, mindless rocking and true, heartfelt getting down, and only approves of the latter. At 4:30 am though, the singing has to kick in too, or it's just not believable. Ahhhhh....the first signs of the heart of a dancer......yey! She also loves her baths, and it's the one time she forgets her aches and just chills. Here she is, with her shinny new membership to the "DIIORIO SPA":

BREASTFEEDING: I have to say.....or rather celebrate....how well this is going. Knock on wood. I heard NOTHING but horror stories while I was pregnant. I don't think I talked to ONE person who was successfull at it or didn't have cracked bleeding nipples. I hoped against hope I would have milk and my nipples could handle it. Well, it's been a dream. She had latched on seamlessly right out of the whom, and it's been easy sailing ever since. Actually, it can be amuzing with her at times. I heard that every baby has a  "breastfeeding personality"....hers is hilarious. The only challenge has been trying to figure out my diet to minimize this bowel issue of hers. I've cut out diary, chocolate, caffeine, gassy and spicy foods....not sure if it's helping. But will continue to analize what I eat and how she responds....it can be heartbreaking sometimes how much she struggles....I'm prepared to eat Kleenex. I have her on a strict 2 and 1/2 hour schedule, with nap times in each cycle, wich can be difficult if she's in pain...as most of the nap time is taken up with her kicking and grunting herself awake. She refuses a soother....which is good, but I wish she would take one, to offer added emotional and physical comfort when she's having a hard time.

ME: how am I doing? I marvel every day how a person can function on 4-5 hours of broken sleep at night. Maybe because she and Stef are my only focus and I have no other responsibilites. (Except planning her Baptism, which is coming up on July 8th) I take time every day to make myself look as if I'm going to work in the morning....I used to think that women who stayed at home and did this had an image complex....but I get it now. Doing my hair and makeup is the only "me" time I get, and when unexpected guests drop in or I decide to run an errand with her, I can be proud of how put together I look with a four week old in tow. Recovery is pretty much done now, with just needing to spend time stretching and putting my body back together. My 8 week follow up is not untill the end of May, at which time I will be cleared to resume normal activity. That will ofcourse also mean no more reasons not to be back to my usual 127 lbs. Especially if I'm breastfeeding. Not watching calories has been fun for almost a year now, but the party is almost over. I'm OK with that....I will enjoy long walks with her all summer, and that will help. Can't drink yet either, so that will help even more. I plan on sneaking a beer here and there during BBQ season though.....pumped and froze my first 4 ounz of milk yesterday for just such an occasion! Also, I have become mobile with Livi much sooner than I expected. The cool rainy weather, her being so little, being intimidated by the car seat logistics and not being cleared to carry one yet, had me house bound for three weeks, with getting out for a half hour here and there when she slept and Stef watched her. That quickly became not enough for me, especially when I've never been bound by anything....not even at work. My job is out and about in public and driving around. So in the midst of a cabin fever meltdown on saturday, my friend Marlene calls saying that she had a feeling I'd be ready to get out and invited us for dinner. How is that for timing and a great friend? So our first outing was spent having a seafood gourmet meal with my first glass of shiraz in many months, and Marlene's miniature daschund not humping my leg for a change......he's never seen a tiny human and that was MUCH more interesting.

STEF: how is dad doing? he loves his little girl and is a proud papa.....baby seems to prefer mom when she is in disress, but dad likes to kiss her and play with her when he's at home. He's not back at work until the last week in May, so he's taken this time to help around the kitchen and house alot, as well as get some much needed major projects finished around the outside of the house. He is curretnly still on the hunt for my "push" present....which will be an heirloom ring to pass onto Livi when she's older. We have some ideas and I'm really excited, as it will commemorate her in a special way....will show it off when it comes!

As for visitors, I think her biggest fan is my dad. He sees her more often than anyone who lives here. He lives 8 hours away, but his trucking job takes him through town once or twice a week. Instead of parking on the side of the highway and sleeping like he should after driving all night, he pulls his semi up to my house and sneaks in an hour of holding her and looking at her. Even has a pink photo album filled with pictures from the hospital and his visits, that he shows off to everyone. Very sweet.

What do I think of motherhood? Motherhood is something I was miraculously blessed with, prepared for and jumped into, literaly, in a heartbeat. I never really analized it (really? me? not analize?) because it is all consuming instatntly. But not a minute goes by without me knowing what a gift she is and how unbelievably lucky we are. Here she is, my shinning star come to life....her sapphire blue eyes piercing my heart.